When a marriage crumbles, it can feel like the ground beneath you is giving way. As a parent with two children, the weight of responsibility for their well-being can be overwhelming, especially when you find yourself without resources or a place to call home. Today, I want to share my personal journey of anxiety, uncertainty, and the steps I took to build a brighter future for my kids.
When my marriage fell apart, I was struck by a wave of anxiety about what lay ahead. I was shocked to suddenly find myself without financial means or a stable living situation. It felt like I was lost.
As a mum, I knew that I needed to prioritise the needs of my children and take action. Seeking support became my lifeline. I reached out to family first – whilst they could offer emotional support and guidance during this challenging time I soon realised that it would be difficult for them to actually help me. Local community organisations and social services provided guidance and information, helping me understand the options and support available. All of this together helped to remind me that I was not alone in this journey.
One of the first steps I took was to seek legal advice. Consulting with a family lawyer helped me understand not only my responsibilities, but also my rights as a parent. They provided guidance on child custody, financial support, and the legal process of separation or divorce. Having a clear understanding of the legal aspects gave me a sense of direction and empowered me to make informed decisions.
Securing accommodation was a top priority. I explored temporary housing options, such as staying with family or friends, or seeking assistance from local shelters or housing programs. I also researched affordable housing options and sought financial assistance to help cover rent or down payment costs. It required perseverance, but finding a safe and stable home for my children was a crucial step towards rebuilding our lives.
Financial stability was another concern. I sought employment opportunities that aligned with my skills and allowed for a flexible schedule to balance work and parenting responsibilities. I also explored government childcare subsidies and financial aid to alleviate some of the financial burden and ensure that my childrens’ needs were met.
Throughout the entire process, taking care of my own well-being was essential . I sought counseling and therapy to address the emotional toll of the separation and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. It was a validating part of the experience that really helped me to accept that I needed to be both mentally and emotionally strong, to be the best version of myself that I could be in the circumstances in order to provide the love and support my children needed.
Once I had moved, things became easier. I regularly met with the lawyers and went through the process of negotiating. At first, this involved a lot of questions about my exes assets and values. I didn’t have much to disclose on my end, mainly my superannuation.
After that, we tried to negotiate. It was only when we went to a mediation with an experience mediator that we reached an outcome. The mediator had a way of making everybody feel comfortable. However, the mediator was realistic and also explained how time-consuming the process could be.
When my ex heard this, he realised that he was better off settling with me for what I wanted rather than going through a full-blown? process.
I understand that not everyone can achieve these types of outcomes at mediation, but I was very grateful that it ended sooner than I expected.
With my settlement monies I was able to buy a new place about a year later, near my kids school which was a great help in adjusting to my new chapter of life.
Navigating the aftermath of a broken marriage is undeniably challenging, but with determination and the support of others, it is possible to build a brighter future for your children. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to assist you on this journey. Together, we can weather the storm and create a stable and loving environment for our children to thrive.